Friday, September 14, 2007

Well done, that kitten!

Today we have a short video lesson: off we go! (You'll need the sound on.)

Now, do you see how that kitten embodied two vital attributes of a cat? Namely, persistence and an appreciation of good food. Mum says the sound it was making reminded her of ME when I was that size, and of a conversation she had with the vet when I went in for a check-up (I remember it well):

Mum: It's been so long since we had a kitten in the house. Is she underweight or overweight?
Vet: [feeling around my tummy] Well, she's certainly not underweight.
Mum: I know, but... she has three saucers of food a day, but she squeals and squeals every time I go near the kitchen.
Vet: Oh, I think you can ignore that. She's just having you on.
Mum: I know, but I feel so heartless !

Isn't that sweet? You see how I'd already worked on Mum, so she was not only feeding me well, she was feeling guilty about not feeding me more.

Kittens, you are fortunate to be able to learn from the master (or in my case, mistress).

PS, darlings, sorry about the font - they've all disappeared again.

Monday, September 03, 2007

From My Postbag: Where's My Litter Tray?

Daisy, I can't find my litter tray. Bingo (grey tabby, Hampshire)

Well, Bingo, first we need to ask WHY you can't find it. Are you, perhaps, hopeless at navigation? This is a serious failing in a cat, which will hamper you in later life and needs to be addressed immediately.

Or maybe your sense of smell is diminished or indeed absent altogether, in which case you will forego many of the pleasures of a cat's life.

Now, no sniffling, Bingo, the usual explanation for this problem is that your humans have moved the litter tray or accidentally shut the door between you and it. It's entirely their fault, but you mustn't lose your head and do something rash out of panic, and you mustn't even for a second think of taking revenge. No, what you must do is be mature and demonstrate to your humans that you know the rules and have tried your best to follow them.

Let me give you an example. When I was a tiny kitten Mum went out after inadvertently shutting the door to the cloakroom, where my litter tray was. An hour later, I felt a certain need which I could not attend to. What to do? I looked around the lounge and found a large, dark thing in one corner, where I could privately attend to my needs. Then I sneaked back out and lay down on the sofa again, and that's where Dad found me. Everybody was happy (especially as Mum had realised what she'd done and Dad had noticed the closed door). How much nicer, kittens, than if your humans came home and found a large puddle, or even worse a deposit, in the middle of the lounge carpet. This is something they will find hard to forgive.

So even though the next time Mum went to use her big workbag she figured out what had happened, and it was her favourite bag, and she had to throw it away, yet she still forgave me because I'd tried. That's the important thing. Show your humans that you understand your responsibilities as a member of the household, and you will always be welcome.

Hoping this helps you,


More camera avoidance techniques

1. I think I heard a noise behind me

2. Oh no, my mistake - it came from over there
3. Tragically, I am facing the camera but I will NOT look at it
Watch and learn, kittens, watch and learn.

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