Monday, November 24, 2008

Daisy, I don't suppose anything arr-


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Well, what about Saturday's post?


Friday, November 21, 2008

Hey Daisy, did any...


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Guess what...

... didn't arrive today. Purina People, I would STARVE if it wasn't for the Whiskas Tuna & Iams Mum's been giving me! Then you'd feel bad, wouldn't you?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Watching the letterbox

Still no Purina.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Where's My Purina?

Further to my posting of October 23rd, Mum tells me she applied for some free Purina. SO WHERE IS IT? You all know that one of my (charming) failings is the mildest of impatience regarding food, SO WHERE IS IT? Since Mum told me, I've been looking forward to it every day (SO WHERE IS IT?), and watching for postie to push things thorugh the letterbox - SO WHERE IS IT?

- sigh -

I suppose it's like everything else in life. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but life does let me down sometimes, and then I can get a bit despondent. I try to win sympathy to get my own way, but it's hard to fake a limp through writing, and I don't even know if the Purina people are reading this. So I'll just have to soldier on, bravely.


- wipes away a tear, pitifully -

Is anybody looking yet? Huh! Well, that's just typical! And another thing: I've seen another advert for the stuff. This time, old Bogbrush tells us how to make an entrance: hide somewhere, wait till all the human guests are there, pop out and walk across the room to general applause and make for the kitchen to tuck into the bowl of Purina Gourmet Solitaire that's waiting there.

Now, there are a few things wrong with this, namely:
1. hide somewhere - I agree with this one. Hide and check what's going on in your house before making a move.
2. wait till all the human guests are there - Yup. See who it is and what you think of them.
3. pop out and walk across the room to general applause - No! No! No! Slink round the end of the wallhanging, belly to the floor, and scoot quickly across the lounge. If your own humans call your name, ignore them and speed up. You will NOT be trapped in the house with strangers (even if you know perfectly well who they are).
4. make for the kitchen to tuck into the bowl of Purina Gourmet Solitaire that's waiting there -
(a) if it's so great, why is there a bowlful of it left on the kitchen floor? either it's rubbish or 'Princess Whitepaws Bumfluff III' is even more stupid than I thought. As soon as that bowl hits the floor, your nose has to be in it.
(b) there IS no Purina Gourmet Solitaire in my house.

I don't know if I said this:-


PS Congratulations to Barack Obama. Being both black and white myself, I feel proud to have someone representing my interests at last.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

The Ministry for Pets

I think this is great news. I was reading it upside down on Ceefax, as I lay on the floor cuddling a toy. It said humans have to provide mental stimulation for the animals they live with, as well as food and stuff, and make sure they don't get stressed and wotnot. It's not the law, but the government will allow people to inform on one another and they'll get dragged out of their houses at midnight and - oh, wait, I made that bit up.

No, that would be silly. But obviously the government wants to know how we're being treated, so I'm expecting a form in the post any day now:

1. How do you feel about the food your human gives you?
[ ] Very satisfied [ / ] Satisfied [ ] Mildly disappointed [ ] Absolutely livid

2. Does your human answer in three miaows or fewer:
[ / ] Always [ ] Sometimes [ ] Never

3. Do you sleep:
[ / ] On the bed [ ] In the bed [ ] On top of your human

4. Do they wake up in response to:
[ / ] A polite cough [ ] A miaow [ ] A loud miaow [ / ] Claws

5. Quality of toys:
[ ] Excellent [ / ] Acceptable [ ] What are toys?

6. Any other information?
Not enough Sheba and whippy cream. Sometimes they ignore me if there's a film on. And they take me to the vet. Back rubs are excellent, though.

7. Overall score for your human, out of 100:

Yep, any day now that form's going to drop through the letterbox. Any day now...

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