Wednesday, November 05, 2008

The Ministry for Pets

I think this is great news. I was reading it upside down on Ceefax, as I lay on the floor cuddling a toy. It said humans have to provide mental stimulation for the animals they live with, as well as food and stuff, and make sure they don't get stressed and wotnot. It's not the law, but the government will allow people to inform on one another and they'll get dragged out of their houses at midnight and - oh, wait, I made that bit up.

No, that would be silly. But obviously the government wants to know how we're being treated, so I'm expecting a form in the post any day now:

1. How do you feel about the food your human gives you?
[ ] Very satisfied [ / ] Satisfied [ ] Mildly disappointed [ ] Absolutely livid

2. Does your human answer in three miaows or fewer:
[ / ] Always [ ] Sometimes [ ] Never

3. Do you sleep:
[ / ] On the bed [ ] In the bed [ ] On top of your human

4. Do they wake up in response to:
[ / ] A polite cough [ ] A miaow [ ] A loud miaow [ / ] Claws

5. Quality of toys:
[ ] Excellent [ / ] Acceptable [ ] What are toys?

6. Any other information?
Not enough Sheba and whippy cream. Sometimes they ignore me if there's a film on. And they take me to the vet. Back rubs are excellent, though.

7. Overall score for your human, out of 100:

Yep, any day now that form's going to drop through the letterbox. Any day now...

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