Thursday, December 24, 2009

How To Be Annoying

Annoying your humans is something of a duty for cats. Humans expect it, and it's great fun: it requires subtlety, guile, timing and a delicate judgement of people and situations which can be an extremely satisfying intellectual challenge.

But sometimes you can go too far, as I found out yesterday.

You see, Mum had been out finishing off the Christmas chores in town, where she'd got out of her car to be pelted with hailstones and then heavy rain, to a backdrop of thunder and lightening. Even so, she'd checked out the catfood offers for me like I'd asked her, and she'd done everything that needed doing for the rest of the family. When she got home, soaking wet, with dripping bags of shopping, I asked to go out and investigate the weather, and I spent a happy two hours running round the garden and the woods while she busied herself about the house. Finally I saw her making a cup of tea in the kitchen, so I came back in, got dried off and went about my business. As she sank onto the sofa with her tea, and selected the last untried flavour of Christmas chocolate, I saw her nose twitch and she realised what my 'business' had been. I thought this was hilarious, and I ran around her legs as she went to investigate, but all that earned me was a shout of, "Why couldn't you do that in the woods?", followed by "Out! Out!", as I tried to suggest that since she was paying attention to my litter tray, she might like to think about feeding me as I was now rather empty.

And you know, she never tells me off. I was wide-eyed with astonishment and I made myself scarce for a full 30 seconds. (I knew she'd forgive me. And feed me.)

She did.

But it was a lesson, pussies, a real lesson not to push your humans too far. Especially at this season of goodwill. So here's Daisy's Christmas message to the feline world for 2009:

Be nice to your humans. It's only for one day, and then life can get back to normal.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Badger Watch


These are the creatures I told you about, who come round at night for the goodies Mum leaves out. Well, I say 'goodies' but I wouldn't want them, so I stay back on my bench or under My Special Bush and just watch. If I'm indoors I hiss or growl through the window. It's not very ladylike, I know, but I just can't help it - but they ignore me and carry on eating. You've got to admire that, really.
P.S. They don't look anything like me!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I'm feeling much better today, thank you

Yesterday I was a bit bleurgh when I woke up. Dad didn't really notice: I just stayed curled up on the sofa and barely waved him goodbye, but he put that down to the cold weather.

But good old Mum saw at once that I wasn't my usual chirpy self. I purred gratefully at all the attention - the concerned stroking, the sweet nothings murmured in my ears, Mum kneeling in front of me with a food bowl (I managed to force a little something down) and then a water bowl. It was wonderful. In fact, it was just how my life ought to be every day (only without the feeling lousy bit). Actually it was just a touch of 'mal de mouse', you know what I mean, kitties? We've all been there. Anyway, after a few hours I got up and strolled into the garden, nipped into the woods and bingo! - right as rain again!

I knew you'd all be worried, so I just wanted to let you know I'm OK.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Purina One Challenge

Mum just opened me a new bag of my all-time favourite, Purina One (aka chocolate for cats), and while I was munching away, she said to me, "Hey Daisy, there's a competition on here! You only have to eat Purina One for a month and you can win £1,000!". "Mmfff," I replied, 'cos I was a bit busy at that moment. Anyway, things are a little quieter now: I'm in my box in the workroom and Mum's on the computer, so I asked her to have a look at their website.

You have to feed your cat Purina One, and in return they send you money-off vouchers (good) and you can win stuff like something to put your Purina One in (guys, it's in its own resealable bag, and it doesn't last that long! Not in my house) and a measuring cup (I know how much I need).

What were the other prizes? "Oy Mum, just google it again, will you?". Holy mackerel, they make it for dogs as well! What a waste! "Yeah, click on Bumfluff's grubbier brother and let's get to the prizes."

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! A year's supply of Purina One! That's the prize I want! Although it does say it's the recomended amount for an average cat. For one thing, I wouldn't let anyone call me average, and for another, I know how much I need (more, more, more).

There's something about a spa holiday but I don't like baths, so who cares? Oh, and then there's the £1,000. I could buy a lot of Golitaire with that.

"Mum! Are we doing this competition, or what?"

Huh. She wants to know if I could BE any happier, or my fur any shinier. Good point. But there's all that free food, just waiting. And it could be mine. Hmm, I'll have to think of a way to outwit her. I'll sleep on it.

My Charity Work This Christmas


Buy them at Cats Protection!

Like any superstar worthy of the title, I do my bit for charity. This year as last, I've commissioned Mum to make catnip bags for our local Cats Protection to sell for funds, and as you can see from the picture, she's excelled herself. I helped, of course: I had the first one off the sewing machine and I roadtested it vigorously until it was soggy and green - you know what I mean, kitties? So I can tell you that they're excellent, just the right size, attractive fabrics, good quality 'nip, the real deal. So if you see one, buy one and you'll be helping cats who are less fortunate than you.

Last year we also sent some to family and friends - and Sophie. Yes, the spirit of Christmas gets through even to me, and I don't like Christmas. So you lot have no excuse: open up your purses for Cats Protection. I won't tell you again.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

My New School Photos





































Well, you know what I mean. Mum and I had a photo session in the garden, and I think she captured me rather well. Of course, I hate having my picture taken, so I let her know when I'd had enough.











She got the message. (If you can't, click on the picture and gaze deep into my eyes. Frightening, isn't it?)

Monday, October 26, 2009

Bumfluff Triumphs Again!

You remember the saga of the Purina cat and its fine range of yumminess in tiny holographic pots? Well, this morning I was pausing on the patio waiting for breakfast to appear, expecting just the usual Whiskas (and no less welcome for that) - when what should arrive but ol' Bumfluff's 'Tuna Flakes with Shrimp in Jelly'! My goodness!

I yummed it down, all of it, although being a 'senior' cat these days my appetite is smaller and I had to stand on tiptoes to finish it, if you know what I mean. I wasn't leaving any of it in the bowl, oh no!

I should've had Gourmet Solitaire regularly, of course, if my humans cared about me at all. The last time I had it was probably Christmas, when Mum got a bit tipsy and referred to it as 'Sorbet Golly-tear', embarrassing everyone within earshot but most of all herself. As usual.

Anyway, months ago I found another of Bumfluff's adverts offering free food to deserving cats, and I stuck it under Mum's nose, but nothing happened. She had some cock-and-bull story about the Post Office burning down
it's true!
and her other Post Office being closed forever - after it, too, burnt down.
also true!
I mean, if she can't be bothered to do this one little thing to make me happy - well, we all know where we stand, don't we, and all I can say is I'm glad I found out in time before I made a major commitment to this family, LIKE GIVING THEM THE BEST 13 YEARS OF MY LIFE.

No, I'm afraid there was a little coolness between us after that - until this morning, when the scrumptiousness appeared. And I happen to know there are 2 more tins in the cupboard, so I will say no more.

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